No Day But Today
by bluephoenixsong
Summary: What happens when Horatio Caine feels he has no where to go and no one to turn to? Will he reveal his demons or will they become the end of him? The third story in my Arianna/Horatio series. Rated M for language, violence, & some sexual situations.
1. Prologue

**Alright, so I know I said I was done with Horatio and Arianna, but this crazy idea hit me one day. I was originally going to write this story using Marisol and Kyle, but after careful consideration I decided to try writing it with Arianna and Jessica, and what do you know, it worked out perfectly! I'm not writing anymore Horatio and Arianna stories after this though. I think I may have used up all my creativity for this pairing. Plus I really like how this story ends and I feel like it truly ends the series.**

**This is a _really_ short story. Most of the chapters are like maybe two pages when I have them in word doc form. I worked really hard to focus on just one plotline to move the story along without getting sidetracked, like I usually do. Though it's short I feel like this story flows with a great pace and has just as much value to it as my other 100+ page stories.**

**This story is rated M for adult themes, violence, and…well I can't really say much else without ruining the story. So just read it already!**

**So here it is, the third and (really this time) final story in my "More than Lovers, Less than Friends" series!**

No Day but Today

Prologue- Only Time Will Tell

"_Time's a funny thing. When we're young it goes by too slow, but when we're older it won't seem to slow down enough for us to enough ourselves. It controls our lives and determines our destinies. Sometimes that's all we need; a little time. I wish I had had more time with you. If only I had known this was all going to happen. I would have spent every minute with you if I could. I wouldn't have let you go in alone."_

Jessica screamed as pain ripped through her body. She pushed as hard as she could as she smashed Ryan's fingers in her hand.

"You can do it, Jess!" he encouraged her, "Just a few more good pushes!"

"Fuck off, Ryan!" Jessica snapped.

Horatio couldn't help but laugh. "This seems oddly familiar," he smirked.

"Alright Dr. Wolfe, on the count of three start pushing again," the doctor instructed.

"Fuck this," Jessica muttered under her breath as she resumed pushing. A familiar release hit her as she felt something tear through between her legs. She gasped for air as she listened to her first daughter cry.

"Ok, time for number two," the doctor said. He reached his hand inside Jessica's torn and swollen vagina and into her birth canal. "Oh no," he quietly muttered.

"Oh no what?" Ryan quickly asked.

"The baby's birched," the doctor said. "She's coming out feet first. I'm sorry Dr. Wolfe, but you can't push. You're going to have to let her come out naturally with the contractions."

"Oh fuck," Jessica groaned.

"How long will that take?" Ryan inquired, feeling Jessica squeeze his hand as the pain increased.

"I can't say," he said, "Only time will tell."

Jessica laid there in her hospital bed, the pain increasing with every second as the desire to push became almost unbearable. Tears began streaming down her face as she used every ounce of her strength to keep from pushing and strangling her baby. A whining noise escape her lips as her legs began to shake.

Horatio leaned down towards his daughter's face and smiled at her. He gently ran a cool cloth across her face, cleaning off the sweat and tears.

"Everything's going to be ok, Bug," he whispered to her. "She's just doing things her own way, kind of like her mother. She'll be here before you know it."

"It hurts, Daddy," Jessica whispered.

"I know, Bug, but you just have to hold back a little longer." Horatio reached a gloved hand between Jessica's legs and smiled. "Her feet are out now. They're so tiny."

"I bet it looks weird having a pair of feet coming out of me," Jessica chuckled lightly.

"You know, it kind of does," Horatio continued to soothingly say. He ran the cool cloth across her face again and smiled at her. "Just a little longer, Jessie Bug," he whispered.

"There it is!" the doctor exclaimed. "She's out!"

Jessica sighed in relief as she laid back on her bed. Ice was packed between her legs as two small babies were placed in her arms and Jessica smiled to herself.

"Hello Alison and Amanda," she quietly said, "Glad to see you finally decided to join us."


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"_I thought I would never be able to forget your face. The way you smiled, they way your eyes shined when you cried, the way that vein pulsed in your forehead when you were angry. I thought I would forever be able to recall every detail about your face. Now that I can't see it I'm starting to wonder if I was ever really looking at you."_

* * *

><p>Eighteen Months Later<p>

The doctor peered into Ryan's right eye and sighed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Wolfe, but it seems the infection has spread to your optic nerve."

"What does that mean?" Jessica asked, carefully holding Ryan's hand.

"It means that if we can't get this under control you're going to loose the sight in that eye," the doctor explained.

A straggled breath escaped Ryan's lips as his face grew pale. "I can't go blind," he muttered, "I just can't."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Wolfe, we've done all we can," the doctor said with a hard expression. "Now if you had actually come in when you first started having problems we could have possibly saved your eye sight."

"Are you trying to say this is my fault?" Ryan snapped.

"Actually, yes, it is your fault." the doctor retorted, "If you had mentioned that you were having troubles with your eye then we could have started treatment sooner and maybe you would still be able to see."

"Oh god," Ryan gasped as he buried his face in his hands.

Jessica gently pulled his hands from his face and looked into his eyes. His right eye was red and runny. Why she hadn't noticed something was wrong was beyond her.

"Everything's going to work out, Ryan," she gently whispered. "We'll get through this, together."

Ryan silently nodded his head as he followed her from the room.

They were quiet as Jessica drove them home. She glanced at Ryan and wondered what he was thinking.

"How did it happen?" she whispered.

"I was shot in the eye with a nail gun at a crime scene," Ryan quietly said. "I went in without back-up. There was a woman hiding in a closet and she accidentally shot me with the nail gun. It missed my eye, but only by a fraction of a centimeter. I got a pretty bad infection about a couple of months after it happened."

"And you ignored it then," Jessica quietly muttered, "Just like you did now."

"Yeah, I fucked myself over because I'm afraid of the doctor," Ryan mumbled.

Jessica reached over and gently held his hand. "I still love you, though," she whispered.

He smiled and kissed her knuckles. "Thanks Jess," he whispered.

* * *

><p>Horatio sighed as he read over the paperwork in his hand. "So Ryan ignored the fact that he was having trouble seeing and it resulted in this infection that could possibly take his eye sight in that eye."<p>

"Yeah, he did," Jessica quietly said.

"Well I'll see what Internal Affairs says about this disability request, but I don't think they'll approve it until he actually goes blind," Horatio said as he signed the form.

"I'm sorry, Dad," she whispered, "I should have noticed something was wrong with him. He couldn't find his phone last week when it was right next to his hand. I should have known."

"You can't blame yourself for this, Jessie Bug," Horatio soothingly said as he walked over to her. "These things happen. You're just going to have to figure out how to move forward from this point and make the best of it."

"My husband is going blind and will be out of work soon," Jessica muttered as Horatio rubbed her arms. "I guess he can be a stay at home dad now," she said somberly with a shrug.

"You'll work it out, Bug," Horatio gently whispered. "You always do."

* * *

><p>"Amanda?" Ryan said as he walked into his living room. "Jess, where's Maddy?"<p>

"She's right next to you, Ryan," Jessica quietly said.

"Where?" Ryan asked, turning his head.

"Just keep looking," Jessica somberly muttered.

Ryan turned completely around until he could finally see his daughter. He knelt down and smiled at her, gently stroking her brown hair. "Hey Maddy, ready for bed?"

"I'm Ally, Daddy," his daughter said.

A pain stabbed in Ryan's gut as he realized he called his daughter by the wrong name. "Sorry Ally," he whispered, picking her up.

"They are identical, Ryan," Jessica quietly said, "Anyone could have made the mistake."

"Yeah, but you're not going blind in one eye," Ryan muttered as he left the room.

* * *

><p>"So that's it? You're just going to quit without even trying to get disability?" Jessica asked her husband over breakfast.<p>

"I can't do this anymore," Ryan quietly said. "I can't even tell which daughter I'm talking to. How am I supposed to even try and figure out a crime scene?"

"Ryan, I know you don't want to hear it but just try and hold out. Maybe you won't loose your sight and you'll be just fine."

"You just want me to wait so I can get disability," Ryan muttered.

"No, that's not it at all," Jessica snapped. "I don't want you to go blind. I don't want you to quit your job. I know you love your work, that's why you've stuck with it all these years. You just have to give the drugs some time. It's not going to fix anything overnight. You have a massive infection in your eye, Ryan. You're going to be in pain for quite awhile."

Ryan was silent as he stared at his cup of coffee. Jessica sighed and held her own cup between her palms.

"I just wish I knew what was going to happen," Ryan whispered.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"_It's the little things in life we should cherish. A cup of coffee every morning to help get a jumpstart on the day. New shoes to replace the old ones that are so worn they have holes in the bottom. A warm bed to lay in on a rainy day. The sound of your child's voice. These are things that we should have cherished the most. The memories we thought would never fade. If I had known what I know now I would have cherished you more."_

* * *

><p>"How's Ryan doing?" Arianna asked Jessica as they rode together to a scene.<p>

Jessica sighed and stared out the window. "Not good, the infection is getting worse. No matter how strong the antibiotics are his body just can't seem to fight it off. At this rate his whole eye will have to be removed to keep the infection from spreading to the rest of his body."

"Oh dear," Arianna quietly muttered.

"But the doctors are trying something new tomorrow," Jessica continued. "They have some new procedure they can do that might help flush out the infection. The only problem is it'll wipe out the rest of the bacteria in his body, good and bad. So then his immune system will be compromised and we'll have to keep a watch out for any other complications that could pop up." Jessica sighed again and continued to stare out the window. "I just wish I had noticed sooner."

"You beat yourself up too much," Arianna said with a reassuring smile. "Cut yourself some slack. I know you're going through a lot right with three young children and a husband who has a lot of health issues right now, but everything's going to be fine. You'll see."

"Bad choice of words," Jessica dryly said.

"Yeah, I realized that," Arianna quietly responded.

* * *

><p>The doctor looked into Ryan's eye and smiled. "Well I have good news and bad news, Mr. Wolfe," he said.<p>

Jessica gripped Ryan's hand tightly and looked at him. Ryan sighed and squeezed her hand. "What's the bad news?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Unfortunately you seem to have completely loss the sight in your right eye," the doctor explained. "But the good news is the infection is finally gone and you healed up just fine."

"Is there anything you can do for the sight loss?" Jessica quietly asked.

"I'm afraid not," the doctor quietly said. "The only thing we could do is a transplant, but the chances of getting you on a waiting list are slim to none."

"Could you maybe still try?" Jessica inquired, her voice soft and timid.

"I can do my best," the doctor told them, "And that's all I can do."

* * *

><p>Horatio's hand seemed to shake as he signed off on the paperwork Internal Affairs had presented him with. Arianna stood behind him, massaging his shoulders.<p>

"I know it's hard, but it's just how things are going to have to be," she whispered.

"I just wish there was something more we could do for him," Horatio quietly said. "I mean to slap a label on him that says 'Disabled' doesn't seem fair. There's nothing wrong with him. The poor guy just can't see out of his right eye. But Internal Affairs says he's too much of a risk to keep around. They keep saying he could cause a compromise with the evidence because he's blind. Anyone could cause a compromise. You just have to be stupid or careless."

Arianna wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him close. "I'm sorry, Horatio," she whispered. "No one wanted this to happen."


	4. Chapter 3

**Just a quick note- by this time in the story a little over two years has passed since the beginning. I'm not sure I made the timeline clear. **

Chapter Three

"_You always made me promise. When you were a child you would look up at me with your big, beautiful eyes and tell me 'Promise me, Daddy.' Every time I would smile at you and tell you 'I promise, Bug.' Even when you became an adult you still made me make promises with you. You made me promise I would stop being so hard on your boyfriend, that I would remember our dinner date for next Tuesday, or that I would never forget the person you used to be. We had our secrets and our promises. And I promised to keep every single one of them."_

Horatio numbly walked outside of the MDPD building. He was in shock. He still couldn't accept what had happened. He ran his hand through his hair, only to discover more blood. Her blood.

Tom walked up to Horatio, a grim expression on his face.

"I'm sorry Horatio," he quietly said, "I know it's not normal protocol but the bay door is broken. Would it be possible to haul in the victims through the front door to the service elevator?"

Horatio nodded his head, not really registering what he was saying.

"Yeah, do what you need to do," he practically whispered.

Tom silently nodded his head and turned to leave. He stopped momentarily and looked towards Ryan unloading his children from his car. Tom's face seemed to scatter as he walked back towards his van.

Horatio continued to stand on the sidewalk outside the building. The sun was shining, the sky clear. Everything was the way it was supposed to be. Except for her. He didn't want it to be true. He didn't want this to be happening.

Ryan walked towards him, pushing a double stroller and toting along his son.

"H," he said as he approached him, "What's wrong? What was the 911 text about? What's so vitally important that you needed me to come here ASAP?"

Horatio looked at him. His torn expression spoke of horrid things no person should ever witness. Ryan had never seen such a dreaded appearance on Horatio's face before.

"Horatio," he quietly said again, "What happened?"

"Ryan," Horatio whispered, tears suddenly flooding to his eyes, "I…we…I don't…"

"Momma!" Evan suddenly screamed in agony, tearing away from Ryan. "Momma!"

"Evan! Where are you going? Evan, stop!" Ryan yelled as he chased after his son. He stopped dead in his tracks as he watched his son cling to an arm that hung off a sheet covered gurney, his wife's wedding ring shining in the bright sunlight.

Ryan ran the rest of the way to the gurney, his heart thudding hard in his chest. He tore back the sheet and screamed at the sight of Jessica's lifeless face.

"Nooooooooooooo! Jessica!"

Ryan grasped her face and felt her warm skin. It couldn't be right. There had to have been a mistake. He pressed his hand against the bullet hole wound in her abdomen as tears poured down his face.

"Jessica!" his anguished scream rang out.

Tom rushed to the gurney that held the lifeless Jessica and tried to cover her back up.

"I told you to put her in a body bag!" he screamed at the college aged morgue assistant. "What's wrong with you?"

"We didn't have any left," the young man fretfully said. "I had to use a sheet."

"Didn't I tell you to bag her first?"

"But protocol says we have to bag the first victim first," the young man said.

"I don't give a shit what protocol says!" Tom continued to scream in his face. "When there's an officer victim you bag them first! No MDPD officer should have to suffer the indignity of being on display in front of the building! Especially Jessica Caine! Not to mention this was the _worst_ possible way for a husband to discover his wife is _dead!"_

Horatio watched as Eric tried to pry Evan and Ryan away from Jessica's dead body. His heart hurt and his head pounded at the thought of his daughter being dead. He sank to the ground and cried into his hands. A small hand touching his head made him look up at the small girls in the double stroller before him.

"Papa," Amanda quietly whispered to him.

Horatio cried out. He unclasped the belts that held his granddaughters in place and pulled them into his arms. He held them close and cried loudly as he kissed their foreheads again and again. Pain tore through his body. The blood of their dead mother soaked from his shirt to theirs as his world began falling to pieces.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

* * *

><p>"<em>I never told anyone why I didn't make the call. It's a simple answer really. You asked me not to. So I didn't. It's what you wanted. I always did have a soft spot for my little girl."<em>

* * *

><p>"The victim is a thirty-four year old female. Cause of death: extenuation due to a single gunshot wound to the abdomen," Tom quietly recited.<p>

Arianna's hand shook as she gently stroked Jessica's blonde hair. Tears formed in her eyes as she stared at the large wound in her abdomen. "How long was she alive after she was shot?" she whispered, her voice shaking.

"The bullet severed right through her liver," Tom quietly said, pulling back the skin and muscle on Jessica's abdomen to reveal her damaged liver. "Nearly tore it in half. She would have bled out within minutes."

"She wouldn't have made it to the hospital," Arianna whispered.

Tom slowly shook his head. "Maybe if she had been airlifted they could have made it. But from the sounds of it Horatio never called it in for a wounded officer. If he had made the call she might have lived."

"But would she really be alive?" Arianna's soft voice asked.

Tom sighed and looked at Jessica's lifeless face. Her eyes were closed and rigor mortis had begun to set in, keeping her jaw clamped shut. She looked like she was sleeping. He gently touched her cheek and felt her cold skin.

"No," he whispered, "She would have been on life support. She would have been brain dead."

"Which for her would have been worse," Arianna whispered.

* * *

><p>Horatio sat alone on the couch in his office. He was still wearing his blood soaked clothes. His elbows rested on his knees and his hands were clamped together tightly, covering his mouth. He was afraid to move. Afraid that if he did he might vomit.<p>

Eric and Calleigh walked in. They stood there for a moment, just looking at him.

"Horatio," Calleigh whispered, "We brought you a clean set of clothes."

Horatio was silent as he continued to slowly rock in place.

"Horatio," Calleigh whispered again, "We need you to change. We need your clothes."

He continued to sit there, not moving, not speaking. He didn't want to give up his clothes. They were the last thing that touched her living body.

"H, they're evidence now," Eric softly said. "We have to collect them. Protocol says we have to do it."

"The hell with protocol," Horatio muttered.

"Horatio, we need your clothes and we need to process you," Calleigh continued to argue. "I'm sure you'd also like a shower."

"Why? So I can send my little girl down the drain?" Horatio snapped as he stood. He pushed passed them and into the hall. People stared at him as he stormed through the crime lab, covered from head to toe in his daughter's blood.

* * *

><p>Ryan sobbed uncontrollably as Alexx held him in her arms. She quietly whispered words of comfort to him, trying to hold back her own tears. Amanda Wolfe burst through the door of the break room and stopped at the sight of her broken son.<p>

"Mommy!" Ryan cried out, running to her. "Mommy, she's dead! She's dead!"

Amanda felt her heart break inside her chest. She wrapped her arms tightly around his body and held him as close as she could. Her son hadn't called her Mommy since he was six.

"Who's dead?" she whispered, dreading the answer.

"Jessica!" Ryan sobbed. "Jessica's dead!"

A pit formed in Amanda's stomach and her blood ran cold. "Jessie's dead?" she whispered.

"Yes!" Ryan cried, "She's dead! My Jessica's dead!"

* * *

><p>Natalia carefully pulled a clean shirt over Alison Wolfe's head and smiled at her.<p>

"There," she quietly said, "All better." She folded the blood soaked shirt and placed it in a brown paper bag, sealing it with evidence tape, signing her initials.

"Where's Mommy?" Alison asked in her small voice.

Natalia looked into her large hazel eyes and smoothed down her brown hair. "Ally, your Mommy's going away," she whispered.

"Where?" Alison asked again.

"Your Mommy's going to be with her Mommy," Natalia tried to explain.

"You mean Nana?" Alison inquired.

"No, I mean her other mother. The mommy that gave birth to her, but died," Natalia said, trying to simplify everything for the young child.

"Is Mommy dead?" Alison quietly asked.

Natalia felt her eyes fill with tears as she slowly nodded her head. "Yes, I'm sorry, Alison, but your Mommy died."

Tears filled Alison's eyes as she wrapped her arms around Natalia's neck and cried into her shoulder.

"But I don't want Mommy to be dead," she cried.

Natalia held her close and tried to comfort her. "I know," she said, her voice cracking, "I don't want her to be dead either."


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

* * *

><p>"<em>They say it's the worse thing a parent could do. You hear it all the time. They say 'No parent should ever have to bury a child.' They say it all the time. Only those who say it have never had to do it. I never wanted to. But now I have to. I have to bury you. Because it's my fault you're dead."<em>

* * *

><p>Ryan stood before his wife's open casket. Her eyes were closed and her skin pale. Her hair billowed around her like a frame. She was still beautiful to him. Her hands were placed on her stomach, fingers interlocked. The light danced off her wedding rings and he gently held her hand one last time. He pulled off his wedding ring and looked at it for a moment. He carefully slipped it into her hand and onto her left thumb. He leaned down and gently kissed her cold cheek.<p>

"Take it with you," he whispered to her. "Because I'll never love another woman like I did you."

* * *

><p>They stood in the cemetery; the entire Miami Dade police force. They all stared at the same coffin; the one that housed his daughter. Everyone was silent as she was honored; but he was screaming inside his head. He was handed the flag that had draped her coffin; but he didn't want it. He stood there and listened as everyone spoke; but he didn't want it to be happening. The ceremony was over; he walked away.<p>

He walked across the cemetery and into the trees. He kept walking until no one could see him, and then he kept walking. He finally stopped. He was alone.

He screamed. He screamed as loud as he could. He screamed in hopes the pain would go away. He screamed until he was sure his vocal chords would explode. He screamed as pain seared through his throat like a hot knife. Then he kept screaming.

He didn't want it to be happening. But it was. And it was his fault.

* * *

><p>Arianna heard the door open and close, followed by loud footsteps down the hall. She quietly walked towards the kitchen. She could hear keys clanking against wood and then a door squeak loudly. Glass clicked and liquid poured as she slowly walked into the kitchen.<p>

Horatio was standing at the counter, a tumbler in hand and a bottle of scotch on the counter, the door to the liquor cabinet open, his keys still hanging from the lock. He looked at her briefly before he quickly drank down the liquor and then poured another. He turned his back to her and walked from the room, bottle in hand, and up the stairs.

Arianna listened to the door to his office lock. She knew what had happened. She knew the pieces were falling.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

* * *

><p>"<em>Everything happens for a reason. That's what you used to tell me. You told me everything that ever happened to us was part of some bigger plan in our lives. Now I sit here, alone, drink in hand, and I wonder, why did you come into my life if you were just going to leave me again?"<em>

* * *

><p>Ryan numbly tried to cook dinner for his three small children. It was nine o'clock at night and they still hadn't eaten anything. He tried to function, but it was so hard. He momentarily freaked out when he realized his wedding band was missing before he remembered it had been six months since he last wore it.<p>

"Daddy?" Amanda whispered from where she stood next to him.

Ryan looked down at her and suddenly began sobbing. He fell to his knees and pulled her into his arms and wept. He kissed her cheek and held her close against his body.

Evan picked up his father's cell phone from the counter and walked upstairs with it. He found the charger for it plugged into the wall where he always left it. The same outlet his mother's cell phone was still plugged into.

He turned on the phone and dialed the number.

"Grammy?" he quietly said into the receiver. "Grammy, I think we need your help."

* * *

><p>Amanda Wolfe walked into her son's condo, carrying several bags from a fast food restaurant. She found her son sitting on the kitchen floor, cuddling with one of his daughters. She carefully lifted who she thought was Maddy from his arms and set her back at the table with her sister as Evan walked in. She picked him up and kissed his forehead before she set him at his spot.<p>

"I bought all of your favorite kid's meals," Amanda said with a smile as she began handing out food. "And milkshakes."

As the three small children ate Amanda helped her son to his feet and up the stairs to his bedroom. She held him in her arms as he cried himself to sleep. She stroked his brown hair, noting the gray hairs that had begun to form at his temples. She watched him sleep and felt her heart break.

* * *

><p>Horatio paced his home office, glass of whiskey in hand. He took a long drink and felt the smoky flavor on his tongue. He continued to pace, steaming with anger. The bottle was almost completely gone. It had been full when he pulled it out of the cabinet not even an hour ago. He was suddenly angry. He screamed and punched the wall. His fist flew easily through the drywall and into the insulation beyond it. He pulled back and watched the pink fluff fall like snow.<p>

* * *

><p>Horatio's head hurt. It did every day since that day. The pounding was intense and he had taken to wearing his sunglasses all the time, even inside the building.<p>

He followed Frank to the interview room, where a suspect was waiting for them. Horatio stared the man down, not liking the way the man looked at him. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He watched as Frank began the interview.

Frank questioned the man, trying to engage Horatio in the conversation. He kept glancing at Horatio, wanting him to chime in. After nearly an hour of Horatio just standing there Frank stood and walked over to him.

"What the hell, Horatio?" he whispered to him. "Why aren't you doing anything?"

"I am," Horatio grumbled, "I'm breathing."

"Well breathing isn't going to help us convict this guy," Frank hissed. "Why don't you try doing something helpful for once?"

"Fine," Horatio said pushing past him.

Horatio walked over to the table and stared at the man. He slammed his hands onto the table and leaned in close to him.

"Why the fuck did you do it?" he hissed in his face.

"Do what?" the man asked, clearly confused by Horatio's actions.

"Why did you kill that poor little girl?" Horatio demanded.

"I didn't kill anyone."

Horatio grabbed the man by the hair and pulled him towards his face. His sunglasses slid down the bridge of his nose and his bloodshot eyes peered at the man.

"Like fuck you didn't," Horatio growled in his face. "You fucking killed her. Only you didn't just kill her. You raped her, tortured her, held her captive, and then killed her. You let her suffer for two days before you killed her. You could have let her go. You could have dropped her off at a hospital and ran. But you didn't."

Horatio's hold on the man's hair tightened and the man cried out in pain. He felt several of his hairs pull from his scalp as his eyes watered.

"Is this how she felt?" Horatio snarled at him, his eyes menacing. "Did you make her fear for her life? Is this what makes you feel powerful?"

"Ok, ok, I did it!" he cried out, "I kidnapped her and killed her! I did all those things you said I did to her! Please don't hurt me!"

Horatio released his grip on the man's hair and let him fall back into the chair. He shook the man's hair from his fingers and walked away from him.

"There, happy?" he muttered at Frank. "I did something helpful for once."

"Except that he could file for mistrial because you were physically abusive to persuade him to confession," Frank hissed under his breath. "That's not what I wanted you to do!"

"Fuck off," Horatio muttered as he turned to leave the room.

"Is it too late to ask for a lawyer?" the man asked, rubbing his palm against his scalp. "Because I think I'm going to need one after what that asshole did to me."

"Shut up!" Horatio yelled, turning to face him. "I didn't do a damn thing!"

"Like fuck you didn't!" the man screamed back, standing from his chair. "You fucking pulled my hair out and made me fear for my life!"

"You still confessed to an officer of the law," Horatio said. "You're still going to jail, scumbag."

"You're the scumbag!" the man yelled. "You don't deserve to be a cop! You couldn't protect anyone even if you tried!"

Frank wasn't sure what happened but before he knew it Horatio had drawn his gun and shot the man three times. Patrol units rushed into the room, but no one could seem to figure out whom to run to. Frank ordered one of them to call for an ambulance before the man died. The suspect laid on his back, clutching his stomach as blood poured onto the ground.

Frank grabbed Horatio by his upper arm and dragged him into the hall.

"What the hell did you just do?" he screamed at him.

"I didn't like what he said to me," Horatio said.

"Horatio, you can't just shoot someone because they said something bad about your shirt!"

Horatio pulled away from him. Anger burned through his veins as he glared at Frank from behind his sunglasses.

"He didn't insult my shirt," he snapped. "He insulted my policing skills."

"Which is exactly what Internal Affairs is going to do, too," Frank said as he walked away.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

* * *

><p>"<em>You told me you knew I was strong. Your words still ring out in my head every night. I hear you telling me I need to take care of everyone, because I'm strong. You told me you could always depend on me. I wish there was a way I could tell you what really happened."<em>

* * *

><p>Horatio sat on his couch, staring out the window. He lifted his glass and downed the entire thing in one gulp. He refilled his drink and continued to stare off into space in his living room.<p>

Dominic quietly walked in with Atrimus and approached their father.

"Daddy," he quietly said, "Can we watch TV?"

"Sure," Horatio muttered, standing up, "Do whatever you want."

He wandered up to his office and shut the door behind him. He sat at his desk and stared at the laptop she had bought him when she first moved down to Florida. The background was a picture of them together. They were smiling, happy, the way things should have been. Instead he sat there alone, drinking and now unemployed. He had been dishonorably dismissed from the Miami Dade Crime Lab for shooting an innocent victim. He was lucky the man hadn't died.

He dug through a drawer and pulled out a revolver. He popped open the chamber and checked to see that there was one bullet in the gun. He spun the chamber and snapped it back into place and swiftly brought the gun to his temple. He pulled the trigger and heard the loud click of an empty chamber.

"I guess not tonight," he whispered, placing the gun back in the drawer. "Looks like you'll just have to wait a little longer, Jessie Bug."

* * *

><p>Horatio sat there crying. He held Jessica's lifeless body in his arms and cried alone over the loss of his daughter. Eric rushed into the room and stopped. He stared at the large pool of blood beneath Horatio and the limp body in his arms. He knelt beside Horatio and looked at Jessica's unresponsive blue eyes.<p>

"She's not…" Eric managed to whispered, his voice hoarse and thick with emotion.

"Yes," Horatio whispered, nodding his head, "And it's my fault."

Eric's hand shook and tears filled his eyes as he gently touched Jessica's face. He looked into Horatio's grief stricken eyes and then into Jessica's lifeless blue ones. He gently stroked her cheek before he carefully closed her eyes forever.

* * *

><p>Horatio awoke from the dream screaming. Tears poured down his face and his entire body shook. He grabbed at his torso and arms, searching for where she had been. But she was gone.<p>

Arianna bolted up and turned on the bedside light. She watched as her husband sobbed uncontrollably from whatever the nightmare was that haunted him.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

* * *

><p>"<em>I tell everyone the reason I drink is to forget, but that's not it at all. I drink because it makes me mad. It makes me angry with myself for allowing me to do this to my body and mind. It makes me angry that I'm drunk. I drink not to forget, but rather to distract me from what's really hurting me. I drink so I forget I'm angry that you're dead."<em>

* * *

><p>Horatio drank several shots of vodka at once. The liquor burned down his throat and made his eyes water. He poured at least three more and drank those, too. He stood at the kitchen counter and felt his brain become fuzzy again. He looked up at the clock. It was three in the morning.<p>

* * *

><p>Calleigh quietly walked into the layout room and looked at Arianna. She had dark circles under her eyes and she seemed thinner. She looked like she had aged ten years over the course of the last year.<p>

"What can I do for you, Lieutenant Duquesne?" Arianna muttered, not looking up from her work.

"For starters don't call me Lieutenant," Calleigh tried to joke. "I can't even stand it when they call me that in court."

"Is it because you don't want to be Lieutenant?" Arianna asked.

Calleigh shook her head. "I don't mind the job," she whispered. "It's just…" She paused for a moment as she tried to maintain her composer. "It's just that I'm used to someone else being the boss."

"You miss Horatio," Arianna quietly commented.

Calleigh nodded her head, holding back the tears. "He should be here," she whispered. "He should be here working with us. Jessica should be here, too; with Ryan and their little rug rats. None of this should have happened."

"But it did," Arianna whispered. "And I'm left to pick up the pieces."

"How is Horatio doing?" Calleigh asked, not really sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Still drunk," Arianna angrily muttered. "All he ever does anymore is drink. He wakes up in the morning and starts off with a few shots of vodka. Then he moves onto whiskey once he feels himself start sobering up again. Then he finishes off the day with a bottle of scotch. It's the same thing everyday. I'm surprised he hasn't killed himself from alcohol poisoning yet."

"Do you think that's what he wants?" Calleigh whispered. "Do you think he's trying to kill himself?"

"I hope not," Arianna quietly said, "Because I don't think I could handle that."

"Do you think he needs help?" Calleigh asked her.

"Yes, I think he needs a lot of help," Arianna said, "But I don't know if he'll accept it."

* * *

><p>Arianna walked into the kitchen and watched as her husband downed half a glass of scotch. He momentarily looked at her with his blood shot eyes before he poured a few more shots into the tumbler and drank those down, too. She walked over to him and held her hand around his on the empty glass.<p>

"You need to stop now, Horatio," she whispered, trying to pry the glass from his hand. "Getting drunk won't make Jessica come back."

"It makes me forget," he slurred, pulling his hand free. "It makes me forget that I lost her mother and then my daughter. It makes the pain go away."

"Horatio, you need to stop drinking all the time," Arianna insisted. "You're doing damage to your body and your mind. You need to stop doing this to yourself."

"Fuck off!" Horatio snapped, jerking his arm so hard Arianna fell. "I don't fucking need you!"

"Yes you do!" Arianna yelled, swiftly standing to her feet. "You need me and you need our children and you need to stop drinking!"

"I only need one of my children!" Horatio screamed. "I need my Jessica!"

Horatio suddenly shoved Arianna to the floor and kicked her in the side. Arianna whimpered in pain and tried to crawl away, only to have Horatio grab her by the ankles and drag her back.

"What if your precious Calleigh Anne died?" he screamed at her as he slapped her across the face. "What if your daughter was dead?"

"Jessica was my daughter!" Arianna cried.

Horatio backhanded her and Arianna whimpered in pain.

"Jessie Bug was not your daughter!" he screamed in her face. "She was my little girl! She was my baby! She never belonged to you!"

Arianna kicked at him and managed to get away. She ran from the kitchen and up the stairs. She ducked into the office but Horatio's thundering footsteps followed close behind. She wasn't able to close the door before Horatio pushed his way through. He shoved her to the ground and Arianna whimpered as she scurried backwards, trying to escape his drunken rage.

"Please Horatio," she begged, "Please listen to me!"

"No!" he screamed, "Nothing you say or do can ever make it better! My daughter's dead and you want to play fucking counselor?" He stared at her menacingly, the alcohol fueling his fury. "Do you really want to know the pain I'm feeling?" he sneered as he advanced towards her.

"No!" Arianna screamed.

Arianna wasn't sure how it all happened, everything was a blur. Somehow she managed to grab the pistol in the desk drawer and fired it once. Her hands shook as the dim light in the room reflected off the silver metal of the gun. Tears poured down her face as she slowly stood to her feet and crossed the room.

Horatio lay in a heap against the wall, clutching at his right shoulder as blood poured from his wound. He looked up at Arianna as tears streamed down his face.

"I deserved that," he whispered to her in an almost inaudible voice.

Arianna fell to her knees at his side. She pressed one hand against the back of his left hand on top of the wound, applying more pressure to slow the bleeding, and the other on his cheek. Horatio looked at her with a sudden sadness in his blue eyes. She drew back and slapped him hard across the face.

"You deserved that, too," she whispered as she pulled out her cell phone. "But you also deserve to live," she muttered, dialing 911.

"I'm going to jail, aren't I?" Horatio quietly asked.

"Hell no," Arianna muttered, "You're not leaving me with all these children to care for."

* * *

><p>Horatio laid in his hospital bed. He was finally sober again and out of surgery. He stared blankly at the wall across from his bed, trying to fight the urge to vomit. He didn't look at Arianna when she walked into the room, nor did he even acknowledge her when she grasped his left hand. He sat there silently, wishing she had killed him.<p>

"You're going to leave me, aren't you?" he finally whispered after several minutes of silence.

Arianna slowly shook her head. "You were a down right rat bastard for what you did," she said, her voice still filled with anger. "I have never seen you act the way you did, nor would I ever think you would. You are the most level headed, kind hearted, loving man I've ever met, Horatio Caine. That's why I gave you my heart. That's why I agreed to marry you. But you have been anything but since your daughter died. I have tried to help you. I have tried to be a good friend, coworker, and wife. I have tried to be the person you can confide your grief, your anger, and your sorrow in. I have tried for months to talk to you, but you won't listen. If given the chance I would leave you in a heart beat."

Tears formed in Horatio's eyes as the realization of her words played through his mind. His bottom lips began to quiver and his stomach tied into knots. The desire to be dead flooded through his veins again.

"But I can't leave you, Horatio," Arianna whispered. "If I left you, then you would be dead in a month. You won't admit it to me, but I know that's what you want. You want to die so you can be with your Jessie Bug again. I won't argue with you about it, but I will say this. If you die, think about all the people you'll be leaving behind. You would leave Kyle and Elise and Calleigh Anne and Dominic and Arty. You'd leave Ryan and Evan and Alison and Amanda."

She gently placed both her hands on his face and made him look into her eyes.

"You would be leaving me," she said. "You'd leave me all alone in this world with no one to love again. Because try as I might, Horatio Caine, I will never be able to find another man like you."

Tears poured down Horatio's face as he cried in shame. His entire body heaved with the force of his sobs as Arianna gently encased her arms around him. She held him against her body as he wept of sorrow and humiliation.

"I'm so sorry," he gasped amongst his tears. "I've been a terrible father and husband. I hurt you like all those terrible men I've fought against all these years."

Arianna buried her face into his hair and finally allowed the tears to fall. She held him securely in her arms and listened as his cries began to subside.

"I wish you had killed me," he finally whispered, bringing his deepest secret to the surface, one he had hidden for so many months. "I would have deserved it."

Arianna brought his face to hers and gently kissed him on the lips. She stroked his hair and looked deep into his eyes. He noticed her tears for the first time.

"No," she whispered, "You wouldn't have. If I had killed you then I would never have been able to help you."

"Will you help me?" Horatio whispered. "Will you help me fix my life? Because right now I need someone who will make me a better person, who will support me, who will help me get my life back on track. _I need you_."

Arianna held him lovingly and rested her chin on the top of his head.

"Yes Horatio," she whispered, "I'll be the one to help you."

* * *

><p><strong>One of the things I did while writing this story was write it out of order. I wrote different scenes and then pieced it together so it made sense and there was a constant flow of the storyline. Like I actually wrote chapter three and the last two sections of this chapter before I even began writing anything. A few things have changed as I added to the story. One thing was the scene in Horatio's home office in this chapter originally took place in Horatio and Arianna's bedroom. Then when I wrote chapter seven and had Horatio attempt to shoot himself with the pistol in his desk drawer with the one bullet. I changed this chapter from the bedroom to the office, because it would make sense that the gun was already there, thus Horatio's plan to kill himself backfired on him.<strong>


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

* * *

><p>"<em>You used to ask me for help all the time when you were a kid. I would encourage you to do things yourself but you would ask me for help still sometimes. I tried not to get in the way, but it was so difficult. You were so adorable and you were my only weakness. Now I wonder if you had called me when it happened if you would still be here with me."<em>

* * *

><p>Arianna walked into her house. She was confused by the sound of water slashing and glass clinking. The smell of alcohol thick in the air. She ran to the kitchen and felt her heart stop for a moment as she stared at the sight before her.<p>

Carli Anne sat on the counter next to the sink, pouring a bottle of vodka down the drain. She hopped onto a chair next to the counter and dropped the bottle into a completely full recycling bin filled with empty liquor bottles. Artimus struggled to climb up onto the counter by himself, but managed with a little help from Horatio. He uncapped a scotch bottle and sloppily slashed it into the sink.

"Alright, that's the last of it," Horatio said, locking the empty liquor cabinet back up. "Who wants to help me take it outside for the garbage man?"

"I do!" all four of his children said at once.

"Can I do it?" Arianna whispered from the doorway.

Horatio looked at her with a surprised expression on his face. "Ari," he whispered, "When did you get home?"

"Just now," Arianna quietly said, walking into the kitchen. "We closed the case early and Calleigh let us all go home early."

Horatio nodded his head. "Is Calleigh the Lieutenant now?" he asked.

Arianna nodded her head. "Has been for about nine months now," she whispered.

"Can you help me carry this outside, Ari?" Horatio quietly asked. "I can't really do it by myself," he said, indicating his arm in the sling.

"Of course I'll help you," Arianna said with a smile, "Because that's what I'm here for."

They each grabbed a handle and carried the heavy plastic bin to the curb. They set it down and Horatio looked at Arianna with sadness in his eyes. He leaned down and gently kissed her, intertwining their fingers with his good hand.

"Thank you," he whispered, "I couldn't have done it without you."

They walked back into the house and sat in the living room on the couch. Their children slowly gathered around them and Horatio cuddled Atrimus on his lap.

"Will you tell me what's happened?" he quietly asked Arianna.

"About what?" she quietly asked.

"Tell me what's happened the last eighteen months," he whispered, "Because I can hardly remember any of it. This is the longest I've been sober since her funeral, and I've started to realize I don't know what's happened over the course of almost a year and a half." Horatio looked at Arianna with grief in his blue eyes. "Will you help me?"

Arianna looked at him as tears overflowed his eyes. She held his hand and kissed his knuckles.

"Of course," she whispered, "Because I've here for you, Horatio."

* * *

><p>Ryan smiled as Natalia walked into his condo carrying several bags of food.<p>

"I thought you could use a little home cooking," she said with a wink. "You know since your specialty is whatever can be made by someone else in ninety seconds or less."

"Oh shut up you," Ryan chuckled as he followed her towards the kitchen. He stumbled and stubbed his foot on a doll house he couldn't see. "Damn it," he muttered under his breath as he walked around it.

Natalia couldn't help but laugh as she quickly began cooking. "You need a seeing eye dog or something," she teased.

"Well Jess does want a dog," Ryan chuckled. His laughs turned to dread as he realized he spoke of his late wife in present tense.

"I'm sorry Ryan," Natalia whispered, gently grasping his hand.

"It's ok," he whispered, "The pain will stop some day."

* * *

><p>It was a lovely dinner that they ate together with Ryan's children. Afterwards Natalia helped put each of them to bed and clean up the kitchen.<p>

She had just laid Evan in his bed on the second floor and was about to leave when she poked her head into Ryan's bedroom to find him sitting on the left side of his bed. Natalia quietly walked in and looked at him with a sad expression.

"She always slept on the left side," Ryan whispered, tears forming in his eyes. "I had the right side and she had the left. A few months after she died I tried sleeping on the left side. I couldn't do it. It just reminded me that she wasn't there anymore."

Natalia quietly walked in and looked down at where he sat on the bed. She gently touched his face and looked deep into his hazel eyes. Ryan reached up twined his fingers into her hair, pulling her down to his face. He kissed her passionately as he pulled her onto the bed with him.

* * *

><p>Horatio pulled up outside the old warehouse in the Hummer. He and Jessica climbed out and began slowly walking towards it.<p>

"This is where your source told you the gun smuggling was going down?" Horatio asked her.

"Yeah, Steve said this was the place," Jessica said, placing her sunglasses on top of her head.

"Alright, let's go," Horatio said, walking through the open door. He looked around, making sure the room was clear. "Do you want left or right?" he asked when they got to a fork in the hall.

"I'll take right," she smirked, heading that way.

"Are you sure?" Horatio asked. "Don't you usually go left?"

"Yeah, but I thought I would switch it up a bit today," Jessica said with a smile.

"You sure you don't want to wait for Eric to get here?" Horatio inquired.

"No, he can join us when he gets here," Jessica said with a wink. "I'll call you if I find anything."

"I'll be waiting, Bug," Horatio smiled.

Horatio searched through the warehouse, on high alert for any kind of sound. He looked around every corner and held his glock out in front of him for protection. When he was sure he was alone on his half he called Jessica to see how she was doing.

"Hey Jess, how are things on the east side?"

"Fine, but I'm thinking that guy gave us a bad lead. There's no one here."

"Well we'll look around a little more and then call it quits. Let's check upstairs before we go."

"Rodger that, Dad," Jessica said as she hung up.

Horatio climbed the stairs to the second floor. He peered around every door and into every room. He was coming up empty and was disappointed they had wasted so much time that they could have used else where.

Loud gunshots sounding from somewhere down the hall caused him to snap back to reality. He ran down the hall towards the sound. Two men ran from a room and turned and fired at him. Horatio shot back at them as he ran but they got away.

He ducked into the room they had fled from and felt his blood run cold at the sight that met him.

"Oh god no," he whispered as he began to sweat.

* * *

><p>Horatio woke up screaming in his bed. He clawed at his face and neck as pain ripped through him. Arianna grabbed for his hands and held them away from his face. She held him in her arms and began her nightly ritual of soothing her husband from the dreams he never dared speak of.<p> 


	11. Chapter 10

**I think it was about here that I started to feel like I was writing a fanfict for my fanfict, since my Jessica/Ryan series is my main series. This story has characters based off that series and I'm writing something that I probably would never include in my main series. Is that weird?  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter Ten<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>I didn't recognize myself at first; that first time I looked in the mirror sober. I thought I was someone else. Someone I didn't know. But now that I can really look at myself I realize that I became a different person. I didn't act like me and now I don't even look like myself."<em>

* * *

><p>Ryan slowly awoke from his dreamless slumber. He smiled at the sight of Natalia's naked body on the right side of his bed. He closed his eyes and sighed, remembering how they had made love the night before. That hadn't been her intentions when she came over to make dinner for him and his children, but it had happened, and he was happy it did.<p>

He opened his eyes again and looked at her lovely face. He blinked several times when his eye didn't seem to focus right. He closed his left eye and rubbed it, trying to massage the sleep from it. Then he stopped and stared at Natalia as realization washed over him.

"Natalia!" he exclaimed, shaking her arm. "Natalia wake up!"

Natalia jumped slightly as she woke with a shock. "What? What is it, Ryan?"

"I can see!" he cried out, "I can see out of my right eye!"

Natalia shot up and looked at him. She stared hard at his right eye, as if she could actually see it working again.

"Close your left eye," she ordered. Ryan complied and she held up her hand. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Two, five, one, four, six, well that's six in ASL anyways," Ryan recited as Natalia quizzed him.

Natalia stared at him in disbelief before she pulled him into her arms. "You can see," she whispered. "But how? I thought the doctor said the sight was gone for good."

"Maybe she's trying to tell me it's ok to move on," he whispered as tears filled his eyes.

* * *

><p>Horatio stared at himself in the mirror. He <em>really<em> looked at himself. He was naked and standing in his bathroom before his floor length mirror. He turned sideways and ran his hand over his large gut and touched his flabby upper arms. He cupped his face with his own hands and just stared at his puffy face. According to his doctor he had put on twenty-seven pounds in close to two years. In addition his liver was damaged and his heart weakened. He couldn't believe it. He had truly let himself go. He had ruined his body.

He pulled on his clothes and walked into his bedroom. He tugged at the waistline of his pants. They were pinching his waist uncomfortably. He stopped and looked at the picture of him and his wife on their dresser on their wedding day. He had looked better back then. He looked at the picture of him and Jessica walking down the aisle of her wedding. They were smiling and happy.

Horatio began pulling open drawers on his dresser until he found his old work out clothes. He quickly changed his clothes and began stretching. He knew he wouldn't be able to run, not with the condition his body was in, but he was going to do his damn near best.

He began doing sit ups on his bedroom floor, his feet tucked under the dresser. After he accomplished fifty he rolled over and began the slow, pain staking process of push ups. Once he finished fifty of those he rolled over and completed another fifty sit ups. He changed into his swim trunks and a t-shirt and practically ran down the stairs and out the door to his pool. He climbed in and floated around for a few minutes, trying to adjust to the water's temperature. When he felt he was ready he pressed his back against the wall and just stared at the crystal water.

"This is for you, Jessie Bug," he said just before he took off in a breast stroke.

* * *

><p>Arianna walked into her quiet house. She slipped into the kitchen and found a plate of food sitting on a shelf in the fridge with a note.<p>

"_Sorry we didn't wait for you. -H"_

She smiled to herself and popped the plate into the microwave. She wandered upstairs and slipped into each of her childrens' rooms. She gently stroked each of their heads and kissed their cheeks, tucking their sleeping bodies into bed.

She tip-toed down the hall to her bedroom and smiled at the sight of her husband sleeping on his stomach in their bed. She ran her fingers through his hair and his eyes slowly opened and looked up at her.

"Hey," he whispered, rolling over to get a better look at her, "When did you get home?"

"Just a few minutes ago," Arianna whispered. "You look tired. What did you do all day?"

"Not a whole lot," Horatio answered. "Sorry we didn't wait for you to come home before eating."

"Horatio, it's eleven o'clock at night," Arianna chuckled. "I think I would be mad at you if you kept our children up that late waiting." She leaned down and kissed him gently. "Why don't you go back to sleep, you look tired."

"I guess I am a little," Horatio mumbled as his eyes lolled shut.

Arianna smiled and kissed his forehead. "Good-night, Horatio," she whispered. There was no answer. Horatio was already fast asleep.

Arianna smiled to herself and quietly left the room. She ate her dinner alone in the kitchen, like so many times before. Her thoughts wandered through space as she listened to the silence of her house. It had been over two years since Jessica died and everything finally seemed to be going back to normal.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

* * *

><p>"<em>You haunt me. You crawl into the smallest spaces of my mind and you remind me of how I lost you. You're always there. Everywhere I go, you're there. Reminding me how I screwed up."<em>

* * *

><p>Horatio ran through the building. He knew where he would find her. It was the same place every time. It was the same thing every night.<p>

He ran into the empty room of the warehouse. There she was, lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood.

"Jessica!" he screamed as he collapsed to the floor next to her. He gathered her dying body in his arms and looked into her pale eyes.

"Daddy, it hurts," she whispered.

"Come on, Bug, we need to get you to the hospital!"

"I won't make it," she whispered.

"Yes you will," he said, pain tearing through his voice.

"No, I won't," she said, barely audible. She gently held his face and forced him to look at her. "I'm going to die, Daddy."

"No you aren't," Horatio gasped, holding her tighter against his body.

"Just stay here with me," she whispered. "Just be with me, because this is how I want to go, Dad. I don't want to be at the hospital, having the doctors pump me with more blood and shock my heart to life. I'll be brain dead before they accomplish anything. Just let me die here, with you, alone. Just like Momma."

Pain tore through his body at her words. He looked into her blue eyes and gently stroked her hair.

"Alright, we'll just wait right here," he whispered. "We'll wait for Momma to come get you."

She smiled weakly up at him. "Thank you, Daddy," she barely managed to whisper. "I can't wait to see her again."

"Tell her I said I love her and miss her every day," Horatio whispered to his dying daughter. He looked at her pale face, watching her lips turn blue, as her blood soaked into his shirt. "Does it hurt still, Bug?"

"No," she whispered, "It doesn't really hurt anymore. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Why don't you close your eyes?" he quietly asked her, the tears already forming in his eyes.

She looked up at him, her eyes still bright with life. "Because if I do that I won't be able to see you," she whispered to him. "And I'm scared. I don't want to leave without seeing you one last time. I don't want to be alone right now."

Horatio stroked Jessica's cheek. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Just like your mother," he whispered. "You always were just like her."

She was quiet for a long time. Horatio thought she had passed until she softly spoke again.

"Tell everyone I love them," she whispered. "Tell them I'm sorry I had to leave so soon. Especially Ryan, Daddy. He's going to need someone. Take care of him and my babies. I know you have children of your own, but make sure Ryan's ok. He's not as strong as you. I'm worried about him already."

"Don't fret, Jessie Bug," Horatio whispered to her. "I promise I'll take good care of Ryan, Evan, Alison, and Amanda."

"Good, because I trust you, Daddy," she quietly said. "I know you'll take care of them. Don't let Ryan linger in the past too long. Remind him he needs to move on eventually. I won't mind, I promise." She smiled up at her father with a mischievous grin. "Tell him that Natalia still has the hots for him."

Horatio chuckled at his daughter's humor. "Ok, I'll tell him. I won't tell him right away, but I promise I'll tell him eventually."

"Good, but promise me you won't forget."

"I promise, Jessie Bug, I'll do everything you ask me to," Horatio whispered, holding her chilling body closer.

"You better not," Jessica whispered, her breathing weakening, "Because I'll be mad if you do."

They sat there in silence for several minutes again; Jessica's breathing becoming more ragged with every passing second. She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand, looking deep into his eyes.

"I love you, Daddy," she said in a voice that was almost too quiet to hear.

"I love you, too, Jessie Bug," he whispered in response.

Her hand slid down his cheek and she released one last breath as the life left her eyes.

* * *

><p>Horatio woke up screaming. He sat up in bed and screamed her name. Tears poured down his face as he clawed at the spot where she had just been lying in his arms. He continued to scream and cry as Arianna grasped him and held him in her arms. She whispered to him and stroked his hair and back, trying to soothe his pain from the reoccurring nightmare. He cried loudly as he buried his face against her shoulder and allowed her to hold him. Slowly but surely his cries began to subside, as Arianna continued to cradle him.<p>

"I didn't keep my promise," he suddenly said.

"What promise?" Arianna quietly asked him.

"I didn't keep my promise to Jessica," Horatio cried as his body began to shake.

"What did you promise her?" Arianna asked.

"I promised I would take care of everyone," he gasped between sobs. "I promised her I wouldn't let everyone hurt because she died. I told her I would make sure everything would be ok once she was gone. I promised I wouldn't let everything fall apart because everyone was so distressed about her dying. But I didn't do it. I didn't do it because I'm the problem! I've ruined everyone's life because I couldn't hold it together!"

Arianna held him tightly against her body. She slowly began to rock with him, as if he was a child.

"You haven't ruined everyone's life," she finally whispered to him.

"Yes I did! I screwed up! I let everyone down!" he continued to cry.

"No you didn't," Arianna gently whispered, "You just needed someone to take care of you."

"But I don't have anyone to take care of me!" Horatio cried, "I'm the father, I'm supposed to take care of everyone else!"

"But you do have someone," Arianna whispered. She gently held his face and brought his gaze to hers. "You have me. I'm your wife and my job is to take care of you."

Tears poured down Horatio's face as he began sobbing again. Arianna held him securely in her arms and stroked his back. They sat there, like that, for several minutes as Horatio's cries began to subside again.

"I'm sorry," Horatio whispered.

"About what?" Arianna gently asked.

"About not having faith in you," he answered. "I should have known this whole time you'd take care of me and everyone else."

Arianna smiled and gently kissed the top of his head. "It's ok, we all forget sometimes."

Horatio slowly sat up and looked into Arianna's eyes, gently stroking her face. She gave him a weak smile and held his hand.

"You did keep one promise to her," she whispered.

"What's that?" Horatio asked.

Tears welled in Arianna's eyes as she held his hand tightly in her own.

"You let her die with her dignity," she whispered, her voice thick with tears. "She didn't want anyone trying to force her to live. She didn't want to be alive but only living because a machine was telling her heart to pump and her lungs to breathe. She didn't want to become a prisoner in her own body. She just wanted to go. She just wanted to have one last moment with her father."

Horatio's face crushed under the weight of the emotion of her words. Arianna held him again as his body shook with his cries. He buried his face against her neck and cried heaving sobs.

* * *

><p>Calleigh looked at the worn out Arianna as she walked into the layout room.<p>

"What's wrong, Arianna?" she quietly asked. "You look exhausted."

"Horatio's still having nightmares," Arianna quietly explained. "He wakes up every night screaming and crying in his sleep. I thought it was the alcohol affecting his dreams, but it's not that. There's something else going on that he's not willing to talk about."

"Have you tried talking to him?" Calleigh asked.

"Yes, but he won't talk. Even now when he's sober, if I try to ask him anything he shuts down and walks away. It's like he doesn't even want to try."

"Maybe he needs something to motive him to talk," Calleigh suggested. "You know, like maybe go to a therapist or talk to someone who doesn't know the situation."

Arianna shook her head. "He wouldn't even go to the department psychiatrist after she died. He was required to go but he never did. That was one of the things that caused him to loose his job. Since he outright refused to go Internal Affairs just saw that as one more thing to count against him."

"Maybe you can get it out of him?" Calleigh quietly asked.

Arianna shook her head and turned to leave. "If that was the solution I would have figured it out long ago."

* * *

><p>Horatio's heart pounded in his chest as he ran down the beach. It was still early and there were few people. He ran along the shore, the ground still wet from the morning tide. He enjoyed running in the compacted sand. It was easier on his knees than the hard concrete of the streets.<p>

He slowed to a brisk walk as he began cooling down. He wiped sweat from his forehead and took a drink of water. He stopped and looked out at the water, smiling to himself. His daughter had always loved the water. Even when she was little, growing up in Chicago, she would beg to go swimming every day. He chuckled at the memory of a young Jessica begging to go swimming in the middle of January.

"_But Daddy, I want to go swimming!"_

"_Sorry Bug, it's too cold for that. There's still ice on the water."_

"_I'll swim under it!"_

"_No Bug, no swimming."_

"_I don't like you, Daddy H."_

Horatio smiled to himself. He sat down in the sand and watched boats coast along the water. He sighed and just watched the world pass by. No one there knew of his demons. None of them knew what he had done.

Alexx walked over and sat next to him in the sand.

"How did you know I was going to be here?" he asked her.

"I know you better than you think, Horatio Caine," Alexx smiled. "That and I saw you running down the street so I followed you."

Horatio smiled at her and then looked back out at the ocean.

"What are you thinking about?" Alexx quietly asked him.

"Jessie Bug," Horatio whispered, "And how much I miss her." He shook his head in grimace. "She would be appalled if she knew what I did to myself and our family. I let everything fall to pieces and nearly killed myself."

She reached over and gently held his hand. "You were depressed, Horatio," Alexx whispered, "Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're that depressed."

"I really did want to kill myself," Horatio whispered, bringing his darkest secret to the surface. "I had a pistol in my office, a revolver with one bullet in it. I would spin the chamber every night and then fire it against my head. Every night I got an empty chamber. Except for one night."

"The night Arianna shot you," Alexx whispered.

Horatio nodded his head. "That night the bullet was in the chamber. I hadn't tried yet." He looked out at the water again, thinking silently to himself. "I'm glad she shot me. It was a wake up call I needed. I probably would have been dead in another month or so from alcohol abuse."

Alexx leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Well I'm glad you got some kind of wake up call." She smiled as she looked at his new slim figure. "And it looks like you got a second wake up, too. How much weight have you lost over the last six months?"

"Twenty-four pounds," Horatio shyly smiled, "But I've put on a few pounds of muscle so there might be more fat loss than what's recorded."

Alexx smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm glad you've turned your life around," she whispered. "It's what Jessie Bug would have wanted."

Horatio smiled and leaned his head against hers. "She's the reason I did it all."

* * *

><p>Arianna walked up the stairs of the quiet house when she arrived home. She poked her head into each bedroom and found both empty. She wandered down the hall to the room she shared with her husband. Red rose petals littered the carpeting as she opened the door. The room was lit softly with candles and more rose petals covered the bed. Horatio sat at the foot of the bed, hunched forward with his elbows resting on his knees, his hands held together and his chin resting atop his knuckles. He looked up at her with his deep blue eyes and Arianna felt her heart melt.<p>

He stood from the bed and walked to her. He was wearing only a silky pair of red pajama pants and a matching red silk robe. It was tied loosely at his waist, falling open to relieve his chest. He stopped before her and leaned in to gently kiss her.

"I was trying to decide how to pose on the bed when you came in," he whispered to her.

Arianna smiled and kissed him again. "I think you picked a good one," she quietly said. "It's the same position you always sit in when you're concentrating too hard."

Horatio chuckled lightly as he laced his fingers in her hair and brought her face to his again.

He led her to the bed and laid her out on top of the rose petals. He covered her in soft, gentle kisses as he began undressing her. He stared at her naked body and ran his hands across her smooth skin.

Arianna untied the belt of his robe and slowly slid it down his shoulders and off his arms. She touched his chest and arms and hard abs. She was amazed. It was as if he had the body of a god, not a sixty year old man.

"My god," she whispered, "If I couldn't see your face I would think you're twenty-six or something."

"What's wrong with my face?" Horatio chuckled in her ear as he kissed her neck.

"You have crow's feet," Arianna giggled.

She pulled at his pants and slowly slid them down his hips. She smirked to herself when she noticed he hadn't bothered with underwear. She kissed him and rolled over on top of him. She stared down at him. She touched every hard muscle in his body, taking in his new presence.

"It's like you turned back the clock," she quietly said.

"I was trying to turn my life back around," Horatio practically whispered.

Arianna leaned down and kissed him. "That's exactly what you did, and that's why I love you so much."

"I love you, too," he whispered just before he kissed her again and rolled back on top of her.

Arianna smiled and felt her heart explode with excitement. She hadn't heard Horatio say those words in so long.

Arianna gasped as Horatio slid into her. He was big and hard. He felt different from before. Arianna wasn't sure if it was because it had been so long or if it was Horatio's newly toned body.

His thrusts were slow and gentle. Arianna gasped and moaned in pleasure as Horatio filled her most sacred, inner self. She raked her nails down his back, just the way as she remembered he always liked it.

"It's been too long, Ari," he whispered in her ear. "I know I never said it, but I never stopped loving you."

Arianna moaned and wrapped her arms around his torso. "I loved you no matter what, Horatio."


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

* * *

><p>"<em>They always say talking it out makes everything better, but I disagree. When I try to tell someone what happened I can't do it. I can't let them know the truth. I can't let them know I was careless and didn't protect you like I always promised I would. I can't let them know I failed. I don't care if it costs me my integrity or respect. I won't tell the truth about that day."<em>

* * *

><p>Jessica wandered into her father's office and sat in the chair across from him.<p>

"What's up, Bug?" he asked, not looking up from his paperwork.

"I've got a lead, Dad," Jessica said. "An insider told me about a gun smuggling business in the shipping district. I think we should check it out."

"Alright, is this source reliable?" Horatio inquired.

"Absolutely, he's an undercover agent with ATF, he knows his stuff."

"Alright, I'll give Eric a call and we'll head out."

"Can I go, too?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah sure, just go get your glock and meet me at Hummer one."

"I don't have a glock right now," Jessica said. "It keeps jamming so I sent it in for repairs."

"Use this one," Horatio said, pulling a gun out of his desk. "You might want to test fire it first, though. I haven't used it in a few years."

"I'm sure it's fine," Jessica said. She snapped the magazine Horatio handed her in place and pulled back the slide, loading the chamber. "I trust you, Daddy," she said with a smile.

* * *

><p>Horatio awoke with a start. He began sobbing uncontrollably. Arianna slowly woke up and turned on the bedside light. She crawled over and curled up on his chest.<p>

"What happened?" she whispered.

Horatio didn't say anything. He just held her and cried.

* * *

><p>Ryan walked into the layout room, adjusting his new glasses on his face yet again. Calleigh smiled at him and carefully closed a case file.<p>

"Hey good lookin'," she smiled as she hugged him, "How are the new specs treating you?"

"Still kind of strange," Ryan said, squinting and adjusting the glasses again.

"You only need them for the right eye?" Calleigh inquired as she began packing files back into an evidence box.

"Yeah, the other side is just dummy glass," Ryan explained. He stopped and stared at the name on the side of the evidence box. He carefully pulled it towards him and felt his eyes water as he read the name "J. Wolfe" on the cold case label. He opened the box with shaking hands and stared at his late wife's bloody clothes bagged in plastic with case file folders tucked in next to them.

"Why are you looking at Jessica's evidence?" he managed to whisper.

Calleigh was silent for a moment before she spoke. "It was my case, and I was never able to figure it out."

"That man shot her," Ryan whispered, "And she died from blood loss. Why is the case cold?"

"Yes, but there's something missing, Ryan," Calleigh explained. "There's something there that I can't figure out. It's been haunting me for over two years now. Something happened in that warehouse that I don't know about and it bothers me. I've reviewed the evidence again and again, but I can't figure it out."

Ryan lifted several manila envelopes from the box. Each was label as a different spent round.

"There were three different guns fired in that room," Calleigh quietly explained. "Two were from the men that shot her, one of them recovered from her abdomen, and there was a third single spent round on the opposite side of the room where the others were recovered. Horatio said there were only two men that ran from the room and that's all we've arrested. This third round doesn't match Jessica's weapon. In fact we didn't even recover her weapon at the crime scene. It's like she went in unarmed."

"But she would never do that," Ryan whispered. "No matter the scene Jessica always took her glock." Ryan looked at Calleigh with a sudden intensity. "Where is Jessica's glock?"

"It was recovered from the gun maintenance department about two months after she was shot," Calleigh explained. "She had turned it in for some repairs the morning of the shooting, but never picked it up."

"She never told me it was broken," Ryan whispered. "What did she use instead?"

"I don't know," Calleigh whispered. "I think there's only one person who can tell us that."

* * *

><p>Horatio walked into his house with Arianna. She held his hand and led him into the living room. Sitting around the room were Eric, Calleigh, Natalia, Ryan, Alexx, Frank, and Tom. Horatio felt his heart begin to pound in his chest as Arianna sat him on the couch.<p>

"Horatio," Calleigh whispered, "There's something we need to know."

Horatio looked at her and then at the coffee table that sat before him. Calleigh walked around and sat on the coffee table, bringing his gaze to her.

"Horatio, something happened that day, but we don't know what." Calleigh continued, "Something happened to Jessica while she was in the warehouse. You've never told us what happened when she was shot. We need to know, Horatio." Calleigh reached out and held his hand. "The evidence isn't adding up. You're the only one who can tell us. Please, Horatio, tell us what happened. Why was Jessica unarmed in that warehouse?"

Horatio's throat tightened and he slowly pulled his hand away from Calleigh's. Tears began to form in his eyes as memories came flooding back to him.

"It's my fault," he whispered. "I made a mistake and she's dead because of it."

"Horatio," Arianna whispered from where she sat next to him, "You keep saying that, but you never tell us why it's your fault. What happened at that warehouse that's caused you to carry the burden of Jessica's death?"

Horatio silently stood from the couch and walked into the kitchen. He unlocked the liquor cabinet and retrieved a lockbox, and carried it back into the living room. He set it on the coffee table. His hand shook as he unlocked it, revealing a blood soaked gun inside.

"I gave her a faulty weapon," he whispered. "Hers was broken and I lent her one of mine. I didn't know this one was broken, too, though. I should have test fired it first before we went out to the scene, but I didn't. It's my fault."

Calleigh slipped on a pair of gloves and carefully lifted the gun from its box. Her hand shook as she pulled back the slide and peered into the chamber.

"The casing didn't eject," she observed. "It appears it jammed up the barrel and that's why it didn't fire again."

"It's my fault," Horatio whispered, "I killed my daughter."

Arianna wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he began to sob uncontrollably. She soothingly rubbed along his spine and whispered words of comfort to him.

"No you didn't," she whispered, "Those men killed her. This isn't your fault."

"But she had to stop and look at her gun because of me," Horatio cried. "I know that's what happened. She fired once, the gun jammed on the second fire, and then she looked at it out of instinct. She's dead because I gave her a faulty gun. It's just like Speedle all over again."

"But neither time was your fault, Horatio," Alexx quietly said as she stepped forward. "Speedle was a slob and Jessie Bug was just too careless sometimes. You didn't cause either death. These things just happen. No one wanted this to happen, but it did, and we can only move forward from this point."

Horatio began sobbing again as pain ripped through his body.

"That's what you stuffed into your pants," Eric whispered.

Horatio looked at him with broken eyes. "What?" he whispered.

"When I got there you had something hidden beneath your right leg." Eric explained, "And then, whatever it was, you stuffed in the waistline of your pants, in the small of your back. You were hiding Jessica's gun because you didn't want anyone to know what happened. I didn't remember it until just now, when I saw the gun."

A pained cry escaped Horatio's lips as sorrow flowed through his body. "Yes," he whispered in a pained voice, "I didn't want anyone to know I killed my little girl."

* * *

><p>Horatio sat silently on the couch alone. He had done it. He had revealed the one secret that he never wanted anyone to know. He had told everyone how he killed Jessica.<p>

Arianna quietly walked in and sat next to him on the couch. She gently slipped her hand into his and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"It's not your fault," she whispered. "It never was or will be your fault. It just happened. It was the wrong place and the wrong time."

"She's dead because of me," Horatio whispered. "My little girl's dead because of me. I let her die. I should have given her the glock I knew worked. I should have insisted that she test fire it first. I should have taken the east wing."

"Horatio, there are a million things you could have done that would have resulted in a different outcome." Arianna softly cupped her hands on his face and made him look into her eyes. "But you didn't. I'm sorry Jessica died as a result of your choices, but there's nothing we can do about it now. No amount of mourning, alcohol, or self-abuse will bring her back. You can sit here everyday of your life and think of all the things you could have done but that won't bring her back. There's only one thing you can do at this point."

"What's that?" Horatio quietly asked.

"Live," Arianna whispered. "Live each day to its fullest. Live for yourself and for Jessica. Live like there's no day but today."


	14. Chapter 13

**Is it a good thing if you cry while proof reading and editing your own fanfict? Because I definitely have a few times while writing this story. T.T**

* * *

><p>Chapter Thirteen<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>Life without you isn't what I want it to be. I don't think it ever will be. There are so many things I want, but I can't have. I want you back, but there's nothing I can do or say that will bring you back to me. I don't want to, but I've finally accepted the fact that you're gone, gone forever. I miss you everyday of my life, but I know the pain will eventually go away. Someday I'll be able to sleep through the night without waking up because of your ghost. Someday I won't pick up my phone to call you and ask if you want to get lunch together. Someday I won't look at the calendar and realize I only have a week to buy you a birthday present. Someday I'll accept that you're gone.<em>

"_But I think someday is today."_

* * *

><p>Horatio walked along the beach. He could see her standing at the other end of the strip of sand, the water gently lapping at her bare feet. She turned and smiled at him, shielding her eyes from the sun.<p>

"Hey Dad," Jessica quietly said.

Horatio approached her. He stood there and just stared at her. "Can I touch you?" he quietly asked.

She smiled gently at him. "Yeah, you can," she whispered.

Horatio walked forward and carefully wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He held her in his arms and felt tears form in his eyes, as the memory of how her body felt against his washed over him.

"I'm sorry, Bug," he whispered. "I shouldn't have…"

"I know," Jessica whispered in response, "I know all the things you're going to tell me. You should have test fired the gun, you should have given me the good one, you should have gone to the right. I know it all now. I've listened to you say it for three years now. But what I never heard you say was good-bye."

Horatio carefully pulled back from their embrace and looked into her blue eyes.

"You had so many chances to do it," Jessica whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "You could have said it in the warehouse, at my funeral, every time you dreamt of me." Pain played through her gaze as she stared at him. "You could have come to visit me to say good-bye. You never told me good-bye."

Horatio blinked back tears as he stared at her. "I didn't want to let you go," he whispered.

"I know, Daddy," Jessica said, grasping his hand in her own, "But I need to hear you say it. I've waited for three years for you to finally tell me good-bye and move on with your life, but you won't. You're being selfish. I'm dead, Dad, and there's nothing you can do about it. Just tell me you love me and tell me good-bye, one last time. I'll always be your little girl, whether I'm alive or not. I love you more than anyone in this world, because you're my father, and you always will be. Please Dad, just tell me one last time."

Tears rolled down Horatio's face as he listened to Jessica's words. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. He buried his nose in her hair and held her close.

"I love you, Jessie Bug," he whispered. "I'll always love you no matter what. You're my little girl, and nothing can change that." He held her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes. "Good-bye Jessie," he whispered, "I love you, Bug."

Jessica smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "Good-bye, Daddy H. I love you, too."

Jessica released him and smiled. "I have to go now," she whispered.

Horatio nodded his head and looked at his daughter one last time. "Will I ever see you again?" he quietly asked.

Jessica smiled at him and hugged him tightly. "Yes, and you'll know it when you see me."

* * *

><p>Arianna walked out onto the back porch of her house to find her husband sitting alone on the steps. The sun was rising in the sky and a heavy mist hung over the morning ocean. She walked over and sat beside him and held his hand.<p>

"You didn't wake up screaming last night," she whispered. "That's the first time in three years."

Horatio smiled and kissed her. "That's because I didn't have a nightmare," he quietly explained.

"You didn't dream of Jessica?" Arianna gently inquired.

"No, I did, but it was different this time. I wasn't reliving that day, she wasn't dying."

"That's good," Arianna commented. "What did happen?"

"She was already dead," Horatio softly said. "She told me I needed to move on with my life, but she wanted me to tell her good-bye, because I never did." Horatio looked out at the ocean, the water reflecting the amber light of the rising sun. "I think that's why she's been haunting me all these years. She wanted me to tell her good-bye so she could move on."

Arianna leaned over and gently kissed him. "I think you're right," she whispered.

* * *

><p>Ryan stood with Horatio on his back porch. He leaned his forearms onto the railing and watched his children play with Horatio's.<p>

"Jessica was in my dream the other night," he quietly said.

Horatio looked at him from where he leaned on the porch railing. His stomach churned at the sight of the beer bottle in Ryan's hands and he had to turn away.

"What about?" Horatio quietly asked.

"She told me it was ok to move on." Ryan quietly explained, "She knew I was developing feelings for someone else but I was holding back. She told me it was time to move forward with my life. She said she wouldn't be mad. She was actually happy."

Horatio smiled and briefly looked at Ryan. "Good," was all he could manage to whisper, as he felt tears begin to form in his eyes.

"Natalia's pregnant, H," Ryan practically whispered.

Horatio looked at him a little surprised. Ryan didn't say anything else for a moment, just continued to look out at the ocean.

"Natalia's pregnant?" Horatio quietly repeated.

"Yeah, and it's mine," Ryan said.

Horatio smiled at him and walked over to where he stood. He encased the young man in his arms and held him close.

"I'm so happy for you," he whispered.

"Thanks Dad," Ryan whispered. He looked at Horatio as their embrace ended and Horatio saw the tears that had formed in his eyes. "Can I still call you Dad?"

Horatio smiled as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Yeah," he said, his voice cracking slightly, "You can still call me Dad, because you'll always be my son."

Tears fell down Ryan's face and he wrapped his arms tight around Horatio's body.

"Thanks Dad," he whispered.


	15. Chapter 14

**Ok, this is really it. I swear, I'm not writing another story in this series after this. I like the way this series resolved with this chapter and I'm starting to feel like I can't move forward from this point. I'm sorry to everyone who's come to love Arianna and her and Horatio's children, but I can't keep dragging this series on. I feel like writing one more story would just exhaust the storyline. It wouldn't improve anything; it would just hinder the story. I was hesitant about writing a sequel to "More than Friends, Less than Lovers" and I was even more hesitant about writing a third story. But I feel like this story ends on a good note and now Horatio and Arianna can live out their lives happily together.**

**So here is the finally and last chapter in the life of Arianna and Horatio!**

* * *

><p>Chapter Fourteen<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>So Bug, here I am. I know I owe you a lot of time, I've been a terrible slacker these last three years, but I promise I'll visit more often."<em>

* * *

><p>Horatio sighed and leaned his head against Jessica's headstone from where he sat on the ground next to it. He smelled the flowers in his hand, white roses and red calla lilies. He gingerly set them on the ground in front of the marble slab that rose above the ground.<p>

"I'm sorry I've never come to visit you before," Horatio continued on, "But I was afraid. I was afraid that if I came here it would all really be happening. I was a terrible mess for years after you left me, and I didn't want to accept what happened. It shouldn't have happened, but it did, and there's nothing I can do but move forward with my life.

"You've done so much for me, Bug, and I never really thanked you for it. You're my little girl, and even though you didn't care for being a girly girl and would rather play football with the boys in neighborhood, I still felt the need to protect you. But at the same time you were protecting me. You helped convince me to leave that terrible wife of mine when you were a teenager. You've saved my life on more than one occasion when we were in the field.

"In retrospect you were as much a parent to me as I was to you. You had my back and I had yours. We worked together as a cohesive unit to protect one another. I'm sorry I didn't protect you as well as I should have that day, but like you said I can't do anything about it now."

Horatio looked up at the clear blue sky and smiled.

"You helped me get my life back together. It was the thought of you that helped motivate me to turn my life back around. The doctor says I'm in better shape now than I was fifteen years ago. I have you to thank for that. Just the thought of what you would say encouraged me to work towards getting back into shape and healthy again."

He pressed his hand, palm side down, onto the grass. He smiled, imagining he was holding her hand.

"I have to go now. I have to pick Calleigh Anne from soccer practice. I love you, Jessie Bug, and I always will. You're my baby and I love you more than words can express. Good-bye Jessica."

Horatio stood from where he sat and brushed grass and dust from his pants. He smiled to himself and looked around the cemetery. A little girl came running towards him. He smiled at her as she looked up at him with her big blue eyes and blonde hair. She had to be only three years old.

"Hello sweetheart," he said, kneeling down to her level, "Where are your parents?"

"My Daddy's over there," the little girl said, pointing across the cemetery. Horatio looked in the direction she pointed but didn't see anything. "You can't see him," the little girl explained, "He's underground."

Horatio smiled at her and gently touched her soft curls. "Where's your Mommy?"

"I'm right here," a young woman said, hustling over to where Horatio knelt. "I'm so sorry, she ran ahead of me and I can't keep up with her."

Horatio stood and smiled at the young mother. "My daughter was the same way," he quietly said.

The woman's gaze crept behind Horatio and she frowned at the sight of Jessica's headstone. "I'm so sorry," she whispered to him. "No parent should ever have to bury a child."

Horatio silently nodded his head. He looked towards where the little girl had pointed and then back at the mother. "Your husband?" he asked.

She nodded her head. "Car accident," she quietly said, "He died right after Harriet was born."

"I'm so sorry," Horatio quietly said, "I've been there, too."

The young mother shook her head, grief filling her eyes. "You've had so much hardship in your life, haven't you?"

Horatio smiled at her, feeling the tears form in his eyes. "You know, some might say I have. But I've learned not to let it get me down."

The young woman smiled at him. "That's good," she said. "I know I had a hard time when Brian died. It was hard staying strong. It must have been twice as hard loosing your wife and daughter."

"It was, and for awhile there I didn't think I was going to get through it alive myself," Horatio quietly admitted. "But my new wife helped me through."

"What did she do?"

"She shot me," Horatio said with a chuckle. "I know it doesn't seem like something to laugh about but it sounds crazy to say that's what made me realize I was headed down the wrong path."

The young woman couldn't help but chuckle. "Well sometimes the craziest things are what pull us through the worst times." She leaned down and grasped her daughter's hand. "Come on, Harriet, it's time to go see Grandma and Grandpa."

"Ok Mommy," she said. She looked back up at Horatio and smiled. "Good-bye, Horatio," she said with a wink.

Horatio stood there speechless as the little girl walked away with her mother, swinging their hands and laughing cheerfully. He smiled to himself as he watched her walk away, living a new life of her own now.

"Good-bye, Harriet," he quietly said.

* * *

><p><strong>I actually rewrote Horatio's last line in this chapter. Originally he said "Good-bye Jessie Bug." but I changed it to "Good-bye, Harriet." This is because I feel like Horatio's accepted that Jessica's gone and she's a new person now, so saying good-bye to Harriet would be more appropriate than saying good-bye to Jessica.<strong>

**Thank you everyone! I hope everyone enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Peace Out! ~KC**


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